I know we probably say that every age and phase is our favorite...but I really think this is the best one yet! This little man is overflowing with personality. He makes us laugh constantly. SJ wakes up with a smile and goes to bed with a smile. He loves life! He loves chasing daddy around the house, playing with Jobie, eggs and pancakes, running, shuffling his little feet, splashing in the bath, playing with sticks and bats, and learning to share (ha! I added that one :) He is on the go ALL THE TIME! We are so thankful for his health and his smile. I can't believe how much we love him. He fills our home with joy everyday! We love you sugar! Happy 13 months of life!!
My mom was in town for the day and we had LOTS of fun taking pictures of Sawyer. He was so funny and sure loved those balloons! So thankful to share this day with my favorite little angel in the world!
Getting all set up for some fun photos!
Watching Jobie run back and forth! So funny!
Sweet little face!
The wind was blowing his balloons a little...but he held on tight!
Little cheeser!
Angel!
Such a happy baby!
Joy!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Well, Jobie came by and popped his balloon...he thought it was so funny!
January 8th through January 23rd...Sawyer threw up...almost everyday for 16 days!!! We didn't see a smile or a laugh. Lots of tears and lots of weary eyes. It was terrible! What we learned is that at the very beginning of this he had a bad stomach bug. All of the throwing up triggered his reflux again (it used to be really bad) and anytime he would burp or gag a little, he would throw up. It wasn't contagious...just messy :) He was in lots of pain and his little esophagus was burned, sore, and swollen. After a few different meds and a few different appointment we figured it out and our little angel was on the road to recovery!
There have been a few times in my life where I have fell on my knees before the Lord completely helpless. This was one of them. I learned quite a few things in those 16 days:
1. Being a mommy hurts!!! I heard moms say that watching your child when they are sick and helpless is the hardest thing in the world...but I get it now!
2. I am so powerless! I thought I was strong, I thought I had lots of control, I thought I could do it all by myself, but Sawyer was so sick and I couldn't fix it. It completely broke me. I cried and cried and cried! I cried out to the Lord constantly! I usually like to think I've got it under control, I don't need help...then the Lord steps in and says, "Tillanie, rest...you need me." Why does it always take moments like this for me to be reminded that I need so much help? Why can't I wake up every morning completely relying on the Lord for every single part of the day?
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
3. It has ONLY been 16 days! Why did it feel like forever?? I can't IMAGINE how a parent goes through some of the terrible tragedies of a child with a severe or longterm illness. I know their strength only comes from the Lord, but I cannot imagine being strong enough to handle it. I realized how weak I actually am. I cannot comprehend what life is like for those families. My heart breaks all the more knowing that at this very moment there are so many families praying desperately for healing of their child. I had my mind made up that this would just be our life and Sawyer might be sick forever. Seriously...it was only 16 days.
James 1:12
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
4. Our calendar really doesn't matter! If you know our family at all, you know there is probably something on our calendar every night of the week! And that Clay and I have calendars that sync and we add to them constantly! It's a little bit OCD :) Since having Sawyer, we have been working really hard at balancing life and making our family 1st priority. Those 16 days were spent canceling dinners, events, lunches, meetings...etc. I took every last sick day at work, and Clay used most of his as well. We even decided one night that we should get out of the house and take SJ somewhere fun! We went to Chuck E Cheese's...and he threw up...everywhere! Back home we headed...to go box and all. We both had to learn to embrace that sometimes everything else just has to wait...taking care of our family is the most important thing. We spend SO much quality time as a family during those two weeks. It was such a great reminder that our family has to be priority. Since those weeks at home, we have made commitments to certain days of the week that we will be together as a family, and nothing will go on the calendar!
5. My faith needs shaken! I read my bible, I pray, I journal ALOT, I go to church, I spend time with Christian friends...I follow the "rules." But my life isn't all that hard, I haven't been through alot of pain, and I haven't been extremely challenged or broken for a while. We are incredibly blessed with a wonderful and joyful life. I am so thankful and would not change it for anything! It just took a little nudge to remind me that my faith can be so small at times. That nothing in my life is from my own strength or doing. The Lord is in complete control. I will trust him with our family, I will trust him with the son he is allowing us to raise, and I will trust him with my entire life!!!
6. I will forever choose JOY
I made alot of choices during those 16 days. I wanted to choose joy, but I couldn't move. I didn't understand why Sawyer had to hurt so much. I didn't understand why it was happening. I spent much more time calling doctors, googling solutions, and asking all my mommy friends what to do, then I did just asking the Lord what I could learn from this. I didn't choose joy. I chose frustration, brokenness and anger. I chose to cry with Sawyer instead of rejoicing that he was alive! I will never forget the smile he gave us on day 17 that just said so many things! "Mom, I'm okay, I feel better. Mom, the Lord took care of me. Mom, it's going to be okay, why were you so worried? Mom, look how happy I am. Mom, I'm back!" You would have thought we had just won a million dollars. Our entire family lit up as we watched our sweet angel become healthy again. In 24 hours everything was back to normal...just like that. Except...joy completely filled our home, joy filled our son, and we were intentionally choosing joy. What I learned? I wish I would have chosen joy the entire time. Praying that I learned enough during this journey that I will always remember the benefits of choosing joy first!
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Looks like this little guy decided to choose joy too! He sure is wonderful! We are so thankful he is back to normal, healthy and happy! What a blessing you are to us Sawyer James!!!
Starting to feel much better and learning to say "I love you!"
